You bump into a man on the subway wearing a trenchcoat. You apologize and he responds “Its alright. We’re only human. All of us. All of us here are human. Yep. Very human. I’m probably the most human here! You betcha.” and then the trenchcoat falls and the figure collapses and roughly 1000 salamanders scatter around the train
People who hold this almost religious reverence for the Constitution and treat it as some god-given, unquestionable set of commandments instead of a document written by rich, slave-owning white men to advance their interests are the fucking worst.
i need men’s rights because i’ve been walking in a small circle for years. i can only do men’s lefts. i am very hungry. women laugh at me
every time john green starts brainstorming for a new episode of his vlog an eye patch spontaneously appears on one of obama’s eyes. it’s become a serious hassle and his doctors have literally never heard of anything like it
can you imagine remus harping on sirius all the time for smelling like a wet dog, and sirius one day gets so tired of it that he just bathes himself in amortentia so he’ll smell like things remus loves. and then he just smugly goes up to remus, “what do i smell like now?” and remus just rolls his eyes like, “you smell like chocolate and wet dog, nice try covering it up.”
The marauders sitting in the common room doing homework and James is reading for an assignment and he thinks it’s stupid and just yells “are you fucking serious?!”
Remus says “yes” before thinking it through and begins contemplating a jump off the astronomy tower. Sirius looks momentarily horrified then Peter passes over a galleon to James and they move on with their homework as if it never happened.
❝ If owning a gun and knowing how to use it worked, the military would be the safest place for a woman. It’s not.
If women covering up their bodies worked, Afghanistan would have a lower rate of sexual assault than Polynesia. It doesn’t.
If not drinking alcohol worked, children would not be raped. They are.
If your advice to a woman to avoid rape is to be the most modestly dressed, soberest and first to go home, you may as well add “so the rapist will choose someone else”.
If your response to hearing a woman has been raped is “she didn’t have to go to that bar/nightclub/party” you are saying that you want bars, nightclubs and parties to have no women in them. Unless you want the women to show up, but wear kaftans and drink orange juice. Good luck selling either of those options to your friends.
Or you could just be honest and say that you don’t want less rape, you want (even) less prosecution of rapists. ❞
"it’s not gay if it’s in a threeway" one straight man says to another straight man. there is a third straight man waiting in the bedroom. the rule somehow still applies.